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by komkommertijd



Series: Hockey Boyfriends AU [3]
Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Hockey, Jos Verstappen's A+ Parenting, M/M, Moving Out, National Hockey League, Soft Hockey Boys, Trading Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:20:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24404206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/komkommertijd/pseuds/komkommertijd
Summary: He doesn’t want to think about it yet, the videos of people burning his jerseys and calling him a traitor all over Twitter, the news, Daniel’s reaction.OrMax leaves home.
Relationships: Daniel Ricciardo/Max Verstappen
Series: Hockey Boyfriends AU [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1630426
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76





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**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back to my shenanigans :)
> 
> Well, what can I say about this? I’ve had this on my mind for a while and now it happened! Maybe it’s a bit unusual but I figured Max being the one to leave would be a bit less mainstream for some unexplainable reason, so here we are now. At first, I was going a bit more in an angsty direction until I remembered that I’m not all that good at writing Angst and ended up writing a nicer ending. I like it better that way anyway.
> 
> The title, as per usual for this series, is a poor attempt at fitting the story but not inspired by anything in particular.
> 
> Keep in mind that English is not my native language, so stupid mistakes may occur. Also, please remember that none of the stories in the series are follow-ups to earlier parts, things wouldn’t make sense if you tried to read it that way.
> 
> Now go and have fun with the story, thank you so much for reading and supporting my work, that means the world to me <3
> 
> (You can find me on [Tumblr](https://komkommertijd.tumblr.com/) if you want to complain or suggest topics for new parts of the series.)

He’s still staring at the paper in front of him. It’s been ten minutes and he’s still staring at black letters contrasting with the crisp white paper underneath them, the words and numbers twisting his gut. Max holds on to his pen tightly, feels as if the plastic is going to crack with how hard his fingers clench around it. It’s not even his own pen, it’s one of those pens Daniel stole from a meeting, bright orange and with the team’s name on it and it feels wrong to this with that exact pen, wrong on so many levels.

Daniel doesn’t know that he took the pen, he doesn’t even know that Max went home earlier after practice instead of going to Lando’s place to play random games on his PlayStation as he usually does on Thursdays. He doesn’t know what Max is about to do, he doesn’t know what the letters on the paper spell out, he doesn’t know about any of it and Max feels bad for not telling him about earlier. He’s scared of Daniel’s reaction and he figures that it’s going to end badly, no matter how Daniel finds out. It’s going to hurt and Max isn’t ready for it to hurt but he can’t do this any longer.

He puts his signature on the black line at the end of the text, confirming what he’s known for a while now, confirming the rumors, and it’s strangely relieving. It still feels horrible when he knocks on the door of their team boss before training the next day, silently handing him the paper. They don’t speak about it, no one else officially knows it yet and Max buys a plane ticket to Canada while Daniel is in the shower that evening.

They sit on the couch with takeout food and some salad they made from leftover rocket salad and tomatoes, silently eating while a basketball game plays on tv. Max’s muscles ache from training and the thought of having to step on the ice in their home arena the coming week is almost frightening. He doesn’t want to think about it yet, the videos of people burning his jerseys and calling him a traitor all over Twitter, the news, Daniel’s reaction.

When he looks over to Daniel, he’s peacefully eating his food, scrunching his nose once in a while when it’s still too hot for him to chew, eyes glued to the tv screen. Max has his legs thrown across his thighs, so he carefully put his plate on top of Max’s knees. He can feel the warmth seeping through the fabric of his sweatpants. Daniel stops chewing to stare at the tv for a while with a frown on his face before he sighs, apparently he’s cheering for the losing team again, but pays little attention to Max, who's shoving his salad from one side of the plate to the other with his fork, barely hungry with the guilt that’s already filling his stomach.

Daniel falls asleep with one arm slung across Max’s stomach, curled up against his side. His hoodie smells of laundry detergent and his latest deodorant and it’s orange like the pen, albeit in a less bright tone. Max stares at the ceiling and tries to keep the tears at bay, the guilt is slowly overwhelming him. He doesn’t know what to do, he’s alone with his worries and helpless and Daniel mumbles in his sleep and wraps himself a little tighter around Max. His breath is minty and warm against Max’s neck and he swallows the lump in his throat, closes his eyes, and tries to find sleep.

The news hit on Monday. Daniel turns the sports news off and continues to make tea, Max’s heart stops for a minute before he regains control and remembers that he was trying to lay the table. They eat in silence, Daniel focusses entirely on his porridge, and Max gives him the last strawberry. He’s not hungry anyway. Max tries really hard not to cry, breathing calmly while he drinks his orange juice.

He’s expected something else.

He’s expected Daniel to yell at him, to get angry, and tell him that he’s fucked up. He’s expected Daniel to slam the doors in their apartment, to drive to training without him, to leave him like Max is used to, it’s what always happened when he was growing up.

Instead it’s quiet. Daniel puts their dishes in the dishwasher and lets Max use the bathroom first. He hands him his equipment before they leave and turns off the music when they get into the car. The traffic in the city could be worse, Max thinks and doesn’t dare to say it. Breaking an awkward silence only makes it more awkward, so he keeps quiet. Daniel doesn’t tap his fingers against the steering wheel like he usually does. They don’t sing along to the music – it’s turned off for a reason.

It doesn’t get better during training. Max does team exercises with Lando and some other players, but never Daniel. Lando pats his back but doesn’t say much about it either. He understands, he knows why Max did what he did, he’s heartbroken but fine and at least Max isn’t retiring entirely from the sport. Lando smiles, weakly but he smiles, and jokes around with Max as per usual.

Charles ‘accidentally’ hits Max with his hockey stick when they play a mock game in two teams. Daniel doesn’t look at him when they leave the ice. Max asks Lando to spend the afternoon at the gym with him so he doesn’t have to go home yet. Daniel leaves without a word, without asking when Max is going to be home, without complaining about wanting to join them in the gym just to shamelessly watch Max instead of working out, without telling Max to have fun. It hurts more than Charles’s well-calculated hit in the gap of Max’s protective gear.

“When are you going to move?” Daniel asks during dinner. They’re sitting in the kitchen this time, on their respective sides of the table, and Max shrugs and finds great interest in looking at the chicken breast on his plate. Their legs aren’t touching underneath the table like they usually do, haven’t been during breakfast either. Max chews his broccoli, Daniel waits for an answer.

“In February,” he mumbles, eyes still stuck on his food. Daniel hums quietly and nods, Max can see that in the corner of his eyes. Max can hear his fork scratching against the plate but he can not understand how Daniel manages to stay this calm. He can’t deal with him being calm, he wants him to yell and be emotional. Max knows how to handle yelling and hurtful words, grew up learning how to deal with that in the best way, but he doesn’t know how to react to this.

“Do you need help moving stuff?”

Max flinches at the noise when his fork collides with the kitchen table. He gets up and stumbles to the bathroom as fast as he can, locking the door and sitting down on the cool tiles with his back pressed against the slightly warmer wood. He sobs quietly, doesn’t even bother to turn the light on, pulls his legs closer to his body, and cries until wet spots form on his knees, the fabric of his jeans soaked with his salty tears.

Max doesn’t want to move away or move out in general. He doesn’t want this to be over, he doesn’t want to lose everything that matters to him just because of the stupid job he loves so much. Sure, he would have to rent a flat in Canada when he starts playing for his new team, but he doesn’t want to move all his stuff there, he knows that this apartment will look foreign when his pictures disappear from the dresser in the hallway, without his shower gel in the shower and his sweatshirts thrown over the back of a kitchen chair or the armchair in the living room, without the cable clutter that connects his PlayStation to the tv, without his Red Bull cans in the fridge that almost always fall out when someone opens the door and which Daniel considers a threat to his life thanks to that, without his equipment tossed next to their shoes at the front door and hockey sticks making him trip in the hallway, without his favorite mug in the kitchen cupboard despite him never drinking warm beverages, without the strawberry-flavored condoms Lando gifted to him as a joke that are now well-hidden in the drawer of his nightstand.

He would not come back here and that is the scariest part of it all, vanishing from Daniel’s life and from the apartment they moved into when Max’s old one became too small for two people and tons of hockey equipment. It feels like losing a part of himself and Max doesn’t want to, not this particular part that he treasures so unbelievably much.

“Max, unlock the door,” Daniel demands, his voice still calm and gentle and Max stops sobbing, holding his breath and waiting for Daniel to go away. He doesn’t though, Max can hear him sitting down on the other side of the door and it sounds as if he’s leaning against it now as well. It’s better than having to look him in the eyes now, Max doubts he could stop himself from feeling worse if he had to look at Daniel and see how disappointed he is.

“I’m not angry at you and I swear I’m not breaking up with you, I just thought you might want to take some things with you if you have to spend most of your time in Canada from now on. I just want to help you with packing your stuff. I promise I’m not mad, Maxy.”

Max sniffs quietly before he gets up and unlocks the door, slowly, carefully so Daniel has time to get away from the door before it opens. The lights in the hallway hurt Max’s eyes and he wipes his tears away before Daniel hugs him, calming his heartbeat and his mind. Hugging Daniel always feels safe, it’s something that has fascinated Max ever since they first met four years ago when he joined the league.

“I’m scared,” he whispers against Daniel’s shoulder. He smells like Max’s shower gel underneath the scent of detergent that clings to the soft fabric of his sweater. Max can feel one of his hands running up and down his back, soothing his nerves. Daniel is scared too, Max notices it in the slight tremble of his fingers. Daniel kisses his temple and holds him a little tighter. They will figure it out, they’ll be fine eventually.

Daniel looks soft in the blue fabric of Max’s new team sweater, his dark curls peeking out underneath the grey beanie that Max forced him to wear to keep his ears warm. He’s paying little attention to Max, too focused on trying to find their flight on the information board at the airport so they could get to the right gate in time. He has the same slight frown on his face that appears every time something confusing happenings in his beloved basketball games and Max can’t help but smile when Daniel finds the right information and drags him along to get to their gate. Max lets himself be dragged and reaches for Daniel’s hand to link their fingers together as soon as he lets go of Max’s wrist.

Max is still scared but Daniel is holding onto his hand tightly, gently squeezing it once in a while to remind Max that he’s still with him, keeping his thoughts away from anxiety and panic. It’s pretty quiet at their gate with few people there at this time of the day, barely grazing 7:30 am. They’re not sitting down though, Max doesn’t want to since they will be forced to sit for the next few hours anyway.

He yawns quietly and Daniel smiles, pulling him closer and letting go of his hand to wrap his arms around Max’s waist, struggling to get them past the heavy backpack on his boyfriend’s shoulders, and Max leans his head against Daniel’s chest, he can feel his collarbone digging into his eyebrow underneath the fabric of the sweater, the blue one that smells oddly like Max’s hair gel. He sways Max gently and hums, his chest vibrating against Max’s shoulder. It's not an all too comfortable position but Max is still tired and wants to have Daniel as close to him as possible before he has to let him go in a few days until their teams meet for their next game against each other, the first game in Max’s pro-league career in three years without Daniel on his team. It will certainly feel weird.

Max doesn’t want to think about it, so he lifts his head and presses gentle kisses against Daniel’s jaw, smiling contently and for a while it’s just nice to stand there and be a random couple being grossly in love at the airport. Max never wants it to end and holds on to Daniel a bit tighter than before.

It feels foreign, walking through a city he’s only visited for games before, where he spent most of his nights on what is now his new home ice, in bars and hotel rooms rather than his own flat. They unlock the door together and it’s not the first time that Max is there, obviously, but it feels different now that Daniel is there with him and although it’s not even noon yet, Max already feels exhausted. He unpacks his last hockey equipment and shoves it into the closet where his other stuff is already hidden away, between hockey sticks and tape and smelly skates.

They somehow manage to build the kitchen chairs and the table as well as a wardrobe for Max’s bedroom and, most importantly, the bed itself. Unrolling the mattress is the most satisfying thing about it all. Max had already built his couch the last time he came here to sleep on it and besides that, the tv and the PlayStation, the living room looks kind of empty. Max doesn’t feel at home yet, doubts he ever will without Daniel there.

“Don’t,” Daniel whispers against his cheek when he comes to stand behind Max, wrapping his arms around him, and Max sighs and leans back against Daniel’s chest. It’s not like he wants to think about it, he never wanted to, but it has always been almost inevitable that the day would come where one of them switched teams. Daniel is an Alternate Captain of his team, has been playing for them for the past six years and feels comfortable in the city, he gets paid well and made a name for himself with the overtime goal that led the team to win the Cup two years ago – it was obvious that Max was much more likely to be the one leaving.

They go grocery shopping and pick up some more furniture and Max is tired when he’s folding the towels for his bathroom, yawning quietly. Daniel is in the kitchen preparing their dinner and Max rearranges the bathroom dresser for the third time already. It’s the last time they really get to spend time together, just existing in the same space together before they would have to switch to video calls and late-night chats when one of them was playing at the other end of the country. It makes Max’s stomach ache.

Max drags Daniel around the city and they do some sightseeing, try local food and spend their evenings together watching movies, cuddling, and enjoying each other’s proximity for the last time in a while. Daniel is still wearing the blue sweater, Max still doesn’t want to let him go. Daniel kisses Max’s forehead and assures him that they are going to be fine, Max wants to believe him but his anxiety makes it hard to think positive.

“I have something for you,” Daniel says on their last evening together. Max is laying with his head resting in Daniel’s lap while they’re watching their series and he hums quietly to signalize that he’s listening. Daniel keeps running his fingers through Max’s hair. It’s soothing and comfortable and Max really doesn’t want Daniel to leave the next day.

“Promise me you’ll open it tomorrow?”

Max nods, it’s more rubbing his head against Daniel’s leg than anything else and he sighs before he slowly moves his heavy limbs to sit up so Daniel can get the surprise he brought with him. It’s one of those bright orange Nike shoeboxes and the blue ribbon that’s messily wrapped around it makes for a nice contrast, maybe one Max can get used to. He knows that the possibility of the box actually containing shoes is relatively small, so he kisses Daniel’s cheek and hugs him tightly to thank him for the present. He puts the box next to him on the couch before he moves to sit on Daniel’s lap, wrapping his arms tightly around him. He never wants to let him go.

He cries a lot at the airport and it’s so damn stupid but he can’t help it. Daniel tries to comfort him, repeating over and over again how they’re going to see each other again in less than three weeks and how they’re going to be fine. He promises to call Max as soon as he’s back at home and lets him sob against his shoulder in front of the ticket scanner. It’s suddenly all so real and Max wants to hold onto him forever and never let Daniel leave, he doubts he will survive without having him near.

Daniel kisses his forehead until he stops crying and Max can see the tears in his own eyes reflecting the artificial light. He kisses Max one more time before he lets go and walks towards the scanner, turning back around and waving goodbye. Max feels horrible and his body is shaking from his pathetic sobs. It feels like homesickness. He misses feeling at home already. Daniel disappears after handing his ticket to the guy behind the counter to get it scanned. He doesn’t look back, Max knows it’s the easiest way to deal with it.

The box contains one of Daniel’s favorite hoodies and an unopened container of Daniel’s go-to deodorant to spray on the hoodie once it loses its smell. Max appreciates the gesture and smiles weakly when the tears well up again. He finds the ‘ _I'm so proud of you_ ’ note with the crooked hearts scribbled around it at the bottom of the shoebox and keeping his tears back is almost impossible then. He puts the note into his phone case when he’s finally calmed down later and gets up from the couch. Max puts the hoodie on before his video call with Daniel and makes dinner for himself afterward. He has to put one plate back into the cupboard and making portions for one person feels so foreign. Somehow he survives it.

The rink dips into red light when the Canadian national anthem begins and Max lowers his head. Daniel winks at him from the other side of the center line and Max smiles and rolls his eyes – some things never change. He’s really not supposed to laugh while the anthem is playing but as always, Daniel makes that really difficult.

He makes winning difficult too when he’s playing on the other team, Max notices. He manages to score a goal at the end of the game after Daniel already scored two and assisted one and he’s sweating so hard by the time they go into overtime. He watches some parts from the sidelines, misses two shots, and gets bodychecked into the barrier by Charles – accidentally, of course. That’s something, or rather someone, he doesn’t miss about his old team.

His new teammate offers him a beautiful shot and Max makes it slip past the goalie, past the line, hitting the net and adding the much-needed point to the score. Max cheers and celebrates with the guys dressed in blue, hugging them and laughing, relieved after the tiring fight. He spots Lando smiling at him and maybe it’s really not all that bad when they hug after the game. Max feels euphoric, still living on the high of victory and scoring the final goal and Lando grins at him as if they’ve just won another game together, side by side instead of on opposite ends of the ice.

“Told you I’m proud of you”, Daniel says when he hugs Max. Even through the layers of protective gear and fabric and despite the helmet visors keeping their cheeks from touching, hugging Daniel feels like coming home.


End file.
